


Blue and Grey

by asongwritteneasily



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Changbin is bad at feelings, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Rimming, bang chan voice of reason, hyunjin is a sweetheart, no beta we die like warriors, sad but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:03:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28572723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asongwritteneasily/pseuds/asongwritteneasily
Summary: If Chan held the weight of the industry on his broad shoulders, then Changbin held it heart on his selfish hands.Changbin was tired of being an idol, but he was more tired of not having who he wanted, namely, Hyunjin.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 141





	Blue and Grey

Changbin knew from the start, being an idol didn’t come without a downside.

The lack of privacy was one of many and when you lived with other seven guys in close quarters, it was bound that some toes would be eventually step on; most of the time he didn’t mind, living together made them a family, made them brothers in all but blood. He didn’t mind, really, showering with lukewarm water, picking up dirty clothes that weren’t his, hell, he didn’t even mind to get sexiled from time to time and let the boys had their fun, as fun as it was trying to have any sort of intimacy when managers could knock at your door any giving moment of the day.

He was neutral even, about how he was very much a public persona now and everything he did or like was going to be put under a magnifying lent to be pick on and tore apart for the sake of entertaining the masses.

He was fine most of the time, content even, with a life full of work related success, happy with Stays, happy that his music was heard all over the world, that his songs touched so many people, in so many places.

His world, once full of colors, now was painted in blue and grey.

Life was an eternal winterscape, always the same muted shades of nothing and everything; the lukewarm monochrome was something he was already used to it, the secluded life of stardom. 

“-hyung.” Changbin blinked, looking at Hyunjin who was pouting at him, his pretty face twisted into a displeased expression. “You are not even listen to me.”

Right.

He was with Hyunjin, on their living room, talking; Changbin smiled sheepishly at the other, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes and it was more like a grimace than an actual smile, and all of a sudden, his mood just kept spiraling into a dark place.

“Ah, sorry.” He mumbled, more to himself. “It’s Monday blues, I guess.”

It was a cheap excuse, it wasn’t the day, hell it wasn’t even the month, it was even more simple than that really.

Changbin was tired.

Of life? Maybe. Of Idolhood? Most likely.

He felt selfish, whiny; why would he be so ungrateful all of a sudden? How much did he try to convince his parents, to fight for this when they saw no future in a entertainer career and wanted him to go to university instead of auditioning for an agency? Why he felt so unsatisfied?

A tug on his sleeve and Hyunjin’s pout was morphing into a worrisome frown, all blond hair and pretty mouth and kittenish dark eyes.

Changbin’s heart skipped a beat.

He cupped Hyunjin’s face, running a thumb under his lower lip, easing the lines on his face; the boy’s cheeks turned pink and Changbin allowed the air around them to shift into something heavier, undisclosed.

Sometimes, in his landscape, there were these splotches of color, on Hyunjin’s rosy cheeks, on his deep red lips, in his vibrant blond hair. 

If Chan held the weight of the industry on his broad shoulders, then Changbin held it heart on his selfish hands.

He was tired of being an idol, but he was more tired of not having who he wanted, namely, Hyunjin.

“Sorry, doll.” He said in a whisper and he didn’t know about, exactly, was he apologizing for. “It’s one of those days.”

Hyunjin’s eyes, full of mischief and a slow sensual warmth that he was getting more and more addicted to, fluttered close; he wasn’t suffering of something one-sided, not in the least. Changbin saw, loud and clear, that the younger reciprocated those pesky little feelings he had, there was no need for words between them, the feeling of Hyunjin’ soft skin under his fingertips, the diminutive shiver running down the blond’s body as they touched, the electric current making them both crave for a headier sensation was enough evidence. 

Alas, it was so much worse to know that he could have him but shouldn’t than simply acknowledging that it wasn’t meant to be between the two.

Hyunjin’s long fingered, elegant hand wrapped around his wrist gently, even when the blond was taller than him, long lines forming his dancer’s body, still he felt small when he was wrapped around Changbin, bones delicate like a bird; right know, the warmth of his hand felt almost scorching but it didn’t deter its daintiness, such a contrast with his big boned, rough from exercise, joint.

“Changbin...” Hyunjin said and the drop of honorifics made him jolt. “Binnie.”

The blond spoke again, eyes opening slightly, looking at him through his eyelashes, Changbin never wanted anything more than to kiss him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He said with a tilt of head, eyes deep and sad. “Remember that.”

Changbin felt too tight on his own skin; it was selfish and naive, a promise made of air and shadows, so very light, so very nonexistent. A vague future full of ‘if’ and ‘when’: When they got older, if they get more popular, when they let them live alone or just with one of them, if they were patient, when they finally could have some semblance of private life, if they wait.

‘if’, ‘when’, ‘if’, ‘when’, ‘if’

If.

Hyunjin leaned dangerously close then and Changbin was hyper aware of their manager’s laugh in the kitchen, of Felix’ shouts down the corridor, of Jisung shuffling around the bathroom; his hold of the blond’s wrist tighten, not enough to hurt but enough to make him halt.

He knew that if he risked looking him, Changbin was done for; he felt his resolve melting, crumbling. 

The blond, sensing his will faltering, pressed his lips on the corner of his mouth, he felt warmth spreading everywhere; it was not a kiss, they never risked that much, no in the open, no in the secludes pockets of time where they found each other, again and again.

Changbin thought it was not because they weren’t sure of these nondescript feelings, but rather, they were sure that it will be a point of no return and they will keep craving for things they couldn’t have, not right now.

The moment Hyunjin’s lips dragged toward his cheek, and his hand crawled upon his, he relinquished his hold on the blond’s face, intertwining their fingers together; it was a sweet feeling, but also, it was stolen in time.

“Don’t give up.” Hyunjin’s whispered on the shell of his ear, mouth brushing his earlobe, making Changbin want, so bad. “Please.”

He pulled away just little, catching the other’s eyes, trying to convey his thoughts with one look.

But then, as they came suddenly, the little vibrant shades were violently muted, and Changbin’s world was back to normal, back to safe perfect greyish blue.

Soon enough, he heard the front door opening, vaguely aware of Chan’s voice calling them; they were so wrapped on each other, that it took a very fake, very awkward cough from Seungmin to make them snap out of.

Changbin spared a glance to the other boy and faltered; Seungmin’s seldom blushed, but right now he had color high on his cheeks, looking both embarrassed and knowing, like he just walked on a very intimate moment on purpose. He looked at Hyunjin one more time before squeezing his hand and letting him go.

Chan was looking at them from his perch over the dinner table, brown eyes tired but with something like understanding lurking in their depths. 

Changbin let the feeling of lost soak deep into his bones, before standing up, walking away like nothing transpired.

It was better that way.

“So...Hyunjin?” Chan asked, one day out of the blue while the were going through a particular gruesome producing session. “What’s up with you two?”

Changbin blinked, they were just talking about what type of stew was the best; the question was so non sequitur that it gave him whiplash. He squinted at Chan, his face must had show some of his confusion because it prompted an explanation from the older.

“I mean...” Chan said with a forced giggle. “Did you two fight or something?”

Ah.

So it was that.

Changbin didn’t look away, he just sort of plastered himself into his seat, slipping until his shoulders reached his ears; after that fateful day on their living room, he found himself putting some distance between Hyunjin and himself, for the sake of them both. He thought he was subtle about it, but it seemed he was wrong.

“Look, I don’t have a problem if you two wanna date.” Chan shrugged, not aware his words were messing with Changbin’s head, not to mention his heart. “... Or not.”

He added, sneaking a look and wincing at whatever he caught on Changbin’s face.

“What I am trying to say Changbin is that you don’t need to be so guarded about it, everyone will support you guys and try to protect both of you.”

Changbin, finally finding his voice, spluttered and then pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to rein the chaos that were his whirlwind thoughts.

“But the company.” He said, somber. “The company, the fans, our contracts....” He shook his head slightly, looking at Chan with a composed expression, but feeling none of it. “Hyung, is too dangerous.”

He admitted, even if it was only to himself, he was more scared to be allow to act on his feelings than suppressing them all together; it was better for both of them, even with the vague idea of a maybe future time together, to part when their hearts still could withstand the pain, when they were still young to find someone else. 

He was scared, that his perfectly bleak world would be tainted with colors that he didn’t know how to control.

Chan observed him with knitted eyebrows but said nothing; there was sadness lurking in his eyes, but Changbin felt it was not for him, after all, the older had some skeletons in his closet, some emotional corpses laying around because he either cared too much or cared too little in the past.

“Alright.” He conceded. “At least talk to him?” Chan said with a hopeless tilt in his voice. “Hyunjin isn’t taking well your sudden radio silence, he is getting depressed.”

Changbin nodded, feeling the telltale sensation of guilt making his insides churn. He would talk to the blond, clear the air between them, explain himself and hopefully had some semblance of normalcy back.

“Do it on Friday, I take the kids and the managers out.”

He blinked at Chan who just waved a hand and clapped his it over his shoulder, squeezing; Changbin swallowed, wiping the moisture out of his eyes as he started working.

Today, his world was looking less blue.

On hindsight, it wasn’t such a great idea to try to talk to Hyunjin after ignoring him for about a month.

Changbin was stubborn and when he decided on something, he rarely changed his mind, even if it hurt him; so even if the blond tried, again and again to get him alone, or simply to get too near him he would take into his hands to be the bad guy and moved away from Hyunjin, clinging to Felix, playing with Seungmin and hollowing himself up with Chan and Jisung in the studio.

But now, with everyone out and only the two dancing awkwardly around each other, it was time for him to come clear.

“Hyung.” Hyunjin blinked, dark eyes wide with hurt. “So now you are talking to me?”

The question was rhetorical, the blond was on his practice clothes, combing his messy hair to put a cap over it, no doubt not wanting to remain trapped with him any longer and heading down the agency to some solo self improvement time; Changbin watched him silently for a while, seeing him getting increasingly frustrated, searching for his phone frantically until he took the device from his pocket, thanking Jisung’s quick hand game silently before hanging the cellphone in front of Hyunjin’s eyes.

“Are you looking for-” Hyunjin was damn fast, no doubt thank to his dancer’s reflexes but Changbin was stronger. “This.”

He clutched the phone against his chest, looking at the blond’s eyes shooting lasers, his whole demeanor changing into something a lot more dominant, dangerous.

“I’ll give it back.” Changbin said with a placating smile. “After we talk.”

Hyunjin huffed, irritated and sat on the furthest corner of the couch, long limb balled tight around himself. He gathered himself, running a hand through his head and fuck wasn’t it hard, trying to convey what was trying to do here.

“So.” Hyunjin mumbled, impatient. “Talk.” 

Changbin openly stared at him, the blond was always too beautiful, either on stage or out of it, all dolled up or barefaced with a too big t-shirt and sweatpants; happy, sensual or angry he was always so bright that it burnt, deep withing his skin up to his very core.

Even sadness suited him Hyunjin.

Something inside Changbin, snapped.

He stood up, walking over Hyunjin’s figure, body almost vibrating with anticipation; he grabbed the blond’s arms, using his strength to pull him with him almost on top.

Hyunjin’s cheek burned bright red, expression utterly confused. 

“Hyung what-”

Changbin kissed him, hard and soft, tender and intense; kissed him until he melted into his arms, kissed him until he swallowed all his sadness, kissed him until all his anger dissolved. Kissed him until both were a heated, whimpering mess, mouths slick, hair in disarray; Changbin kissed Hyunjin until the blond let out a tiny, pleasured mewl, eyes dark and with so much heat pooling in its depths that made something inside him ignite.

“Sorry.” Changbin said between breaths, between heartbeats. “Sorry, Doll.”

Hyunjin hiccuped, moisture gathering on his eyes.

“Fuck you, Seo Changbin.” He said and his laugh was wet around the corners, shaky like a leaf on autumn winds. “You upset me for nothing.”

Changbin felt himself tearing up at the sight, Hyunjin was weeping and he didn’t know if it was anger, relief or happiness or maybe the three combined; he gathered him into his arms, for once, not worried about the others, about the world outside their dorms, about the vague future and the overwhelming present.

“I was scared.” He said in a rushed tone. “I thought...” He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

He pressed a kiss on the corner of Hyunjin’s mouth, relishing on the feeling that they were allowed to do more than that now but the gesture was familiar and comforting for both of them. The blond sniffed and turned his face to slot their lips again, wet cheeks and tears clinging to his lashes; Changbin complied, sighing into their kiss, wrapping strong arms around Hyunjin’s waist, pulling him closer.

The kiss simmered, but the bubbling hotness didn’t quite subside Hyunjin may had been upset but that didn’t quite tamper his eagerness, eagerness that came not from inexperience but for a long wait; soon enough, the blond was licking his mouth open, pushing him against the couch. 

Changbin felt Hyunjin straddling his thighs, a hand sneaking inside his shirt, roaming; he let out a soft groan into the blond’s mouth, back arching, hips bucking. He was at the younger man’s mercy, knowing they needed to stop before they cannot control their urges.

“Wait.” He rasped, Hyunjin’s mouth sucking the sensitive, overheated skin just below his ear. “Jinnie, please, ah-”

He swallowed the rumbling moan the blond pulled out of him with a particular hard nip, eyes fluttering close.

“I’m done waiting.” Hyunjin said rolling his hips teasingly, voice rough. “Who knows when we are going to get the dorm for ourselves again and I waited for you since I turned 18.” 

Changbin swallowed, manhandling Hyunjin to carry him bridal style toward his bedroom, the blond giggled, giving him a look that almost sent both of them stumbling into the ground. He managed to open the door and kicked it shut before dropping Hyunjin gently over the mattress. 

“Clothes. Out”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes but his expression darkened when with a playful, heated smirk Changbin grabbed his own shirt pulling it over his head, arms and chest full on display. They have seen each other naked before, obviously but never under this circumstances, Hyunjin’s eyes roamed over his torso, kneeling on the bed to drag him near him by his belt loops; the blond wrapped his arms around his waist, Changbin’s twitched at the sight of Hyunjin’s looking up with half lidded eyes and a kiss swollen mouth, breath ghosting over his pecs.

“Shit, Jin.”

Changbin moaned as the blond latched his lips over a nipple, blowing hot air over it every time he licked it, one hand firmly on his waist while the other scratched his ribs, running soft fingers over the neglected nub; Hyunjin’s lips kept going down, sucking and nibbling, leaving love bites all over his chest and stomach. His legs almost gave up on him when with one swift movement, Hyunjin pried his belt open, tugging harshly at his pants and underwear.

His erection sprung free then, his cock’s head red and swollen, thick and long enough to make the blond smile deviously. 

He looked up to Changbin again, licking his lips sensually as he let him put a gentle hand on the back on his head; Hyunjin’s nuzzled the short hairs on his crotch, nipping at his inner tights before giving a small kitten lick to his cock’s head.

Changbin knees almost gave away, his grasp on Hyunjin’s head tightening; he gasped, vision blurry and he barely could hold himself into thrusting into the tight, wet heat slowly, teasingly taking him in. Strong hands massaged his hips, grabbed his ass to pull him even more closer and Changbin made a choking sounds when he felt himself hitting the back of the blond’s throat; he cursed, chest heaving and eyes flutering close. Hyunjin swallowed, and Changbin risked himself to look down again, eyes softening at the blond’ shiny eyes.

“Such a good boy.” He muttered watching how, Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered close. “So good for me.”

Hyunjin’s moans almost made him come, so he pulled the blond out of his cock. He pouted like when he was told off and Changbin wanted to eat him. He crawled over him, making a quit job of getting rid of Hyunjin’s clothes, finally having him naked and writhing under him; he flipped him onto his stomach making the blond squeak indignantly but all sounds of protests where replaced by needy whimpers the moment Changbin grabbed the blond’s ass. He spread it, licking a long stripe from perineum to his entrance; Hyunjin _keened,_ the sound going straight to Changbin’s cock.

“Ah., p-lease.” He gasped. “Feel s-so, good.”

Hyunjin’s thighs shook, and Changbin chuckled, the little pleasured cries of the blond riling him up even more; he loved Hyunjin was so vocal, so loud, he didn’t bother himself to keep his voice down, he clawed at the sheets trying to get a hold but he also waited so long to have him like this, to make him undone. The blond let out a whimper, fat tears getting caught on his cheeks, head trashing, screaming into the pillow to muffle the sound of his own need as Changbin teased his entrance with his tongue, lapping at it and blowing hot breaths over the quickly reddening skin before breaching the tight heat. 

The pleasure was so evident on his face, he was overwhelmed by it and Changbin felt so ridiculously well about being him and only him making him look so out of it. He sneaked a hand around the blond waist, over Hyunjin’s leaking red cock, jerking him at an agonizing pace; enough to riled him up but not enough to make him come. The blond fucked his hand roughly, snapping his hips back to try to get more of Changbin’s tongue in him; he let the other fuck his face as much as he wanted, pairing Hyunjin’s thrust with his hand until he heard a high pitched sobs that probably got the neighbors attention before the blond came. 

Changbin let out a shaky breath as he sat eyeing Hyunjin’s prone body shamelessly as the other tried to recover from his orgasm, meanwhile he opened the drawer of his night table, making a pleased noise when he found the condom and lube he was searching for. He threw it somewhere near caged in Hyunjin in between his arms, turning the blond around; nuzzling his face on his jaw, biting softly so he didn’t leave visible marks, the blond whimpered, pulling him up into a hot, open mouthed kiss, his hand tugging Changbin’s hair with a little too much force, making his scalp tingled pleasantly.

“More.” Hyunjin’s said breathlessly, rolling his hips again, making Changbin growl. “I want more.”

“So greedy.” He commented with a smirk. “Are you sure you can handle more, doll?”

Hyunjin’s answer was rutting against Changbin’s thigh, no doubt getting aroused again; he coated his fingers with lube then, warming the substance before circle the already abused muscled ring, making the blond shiver with anticipation. Hyunjin breathy little moans filled the room as Changbin worked him open slowly, curling his fingers to make him gasp and arch into his touch. It didn’t take too long to have him ready, entrance opened and wet enough but even so Changbin was mindful as he put the condom and lubed himself up, after all both of them have practice and dance lessons and neither of them could afford a limp right now. 

He used all the self control he had left to not snap his hips, entering Hyunjin slowly, the blond’s voice, high and utterly broken, pleads and sobs making his body shake but Changbin kept the steading pace, kissing the blond into a more relaxed, languid state.

“Move, please.” Hyunjin mouthed against his lips and Changbin caught the impish glint in his eyes, as he hooked a long pale leg over his shoulder effortlessly. “fuck me hard.”

And who was Changbin to deny him.

He fucked into him, rough and unrelenting; Hyunjin was a bubblering mess, words making no sense except for his name and ‘more’ and ‘please’; he bit the blond’s thigh hard, making sure to leave a mark on it, unblemished skin getting mauled, Hyunjin won’t be able to use shorts, won’t be able to dress or shower or see himself without remembering Changbin; the blond thrashed on his hold, desperate moans spilling from his lips. 

“Fuck-” Hyunjin cried, mouth slack and red. “Fuck, Chang-b-”

He aimed his thrusts to wipe any coherency out of the blond, feeling Hyunjin’ stomach tense and his muscles spammed around him, he could tell he was close and while Changbin would love to keep edging him but the poor thing endured his torture enough.

“It’s okay doll.” He growled. “Come for me.”

With a last hard bite on his neck and a twist of his wrist, Hyunjin cried out Changbin’s name loud enough for the neighbours to hear and came so hard, his eyes rolled back and his muscles pulled him deeper than before. He knocked Changbin’s breath away as a result, the grip impossibly tight around his cock, he thrusted sharply and uncoordinated before he was hit with perhaps the strongest orgasm of his whole life. A soft nng sound leaving his lungs as he rode the wave of pleasure, his eyes only seeing Hyunjin beneath him.

The blond was gorgeous like this, fucked to a inch of his life, hair matted with sweat, shallow breaths, punctuated by tiny pleasured mewls. Changbin dropped into the boy’s chest softly, carefully arranging Hyunjin’s long limbs on his side to to disturb him, he ran a hand over Hyunjin’s cheek, under his eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked, voice rough. “Jinnie?”

Hyunjin’s smile turned devious, opening one eye and tightening around Changbin making him squirm.

“You are still inside me.” He drawled. “Didn’t you get enough?”

Changbin’s cock twitched, both at the words and the action making them both laugh and groan; Hyunjin’s laugh turned into a smile, eyes light up but his expression was shy, his cheeks turning pink even after all they had done.

“Come here.”

He mumbled, taking the blond’s face and kissing him lazily, just press after press, after press of lips, Hyunjin’s hands came to play with his hair, tugging at it playfully; Changbin indulged himself a moment more before deciding he was not making Hyunjin sleep with dry come splattered all over his belly and chest and with a mumbled apology he slipping out of the boy gently and went to grab something to clean himself and the other.

He brought Hyunjin’s pajamas and opened the window just slightly to make air circulate inside the room; he was lucky Chan barely slept but he still had Felix to worry about. Meanwhile the blond was still sprawled over his sheets, looking prettily ruined; he stared at him with soft molten eyes, his lips curling slightly as he made grabby hands at him. Changbin chuckled, cleaning Hyunjin caringly, carefully before helping him to get into his pajamas, to finally be able to cuddle with him.

He could see it was pretty late, the moon high in the night sky which meant their borrowed time was about to end; Changbin felt a pang of something deep inside his chest and wondered, briefly, if he just didn’t ruin both of their future and career by giving into temptation. Long arms wrapped around his waist, squeezing it; Changbin turned around to face Hyunjin, his expression was soft but something lurked around the edges that made him cold.

“Any regrets?”

Changbin asked with a tiny, hopeless voice; a hand curled around his jaw, cupping his face and Hyunjin leaned again, pressing the lightest of kisses over his mouth.

“I just wanna be happier.” He mumbled against his mouth. “I think we can me make it Bin.”

And with that, all of Changbin’s world, often blue and grey, cold and dreadful, exploded into colors, and he could swear both their heart jumped at the same time. 

He breathed, once, twice.

“Yeah, I think we can.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated, if you wanna go to yell about Stray Kids hit me on twitter~~ Also, if you like my writing enough I finally got around to get a ko-fi and hopefully will be updating more often. Take care~~
> 
> [Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/asongwritteneasily)
> 
> [NSFW TWT](https://twitter.com/chngbncheeks)


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